This first blog post in a series on grief analyzes 5 reasons grief is necessary on our pathway to change instigation.
Grief is a normal human reaction to loss in life. It can result from all kinds of losses. We often think of grief with the death of a close friend or family member. However, grief can arise from many kinds of losses. Some examples include separation or divorce, a change in jobs, moving from one home to another, a child going away to college, health problems, and aging.
Grief can be confusing as we live in a grief-challenged culture. We don’t learn how to grieve. We are encouraged to put the loss behind us and “keep on keeping on.” However, loss that is not grieved can create significant problems and lock us up on the pathway to change. If we want to instigate change in our lives, grieving is important. Here are 5 reasons it’s necessary to grieve.
- We grieve to acknowledge reality
It hurts when we experience significant losses in life. When we grieve, we acknowledge the reality of our pain and loss. There are few silver linings with a painful loss. During my divorce, people tried to encourage me with phrases like “God has a plan” and “You will grow and become stronger through this.” These phrases seemed empty. The most helpful phrase a friend spoke to me was, “This sucks. There is no other way to put it.” When we grieve, we acknowledge reality and we live with authenticity. - We grieve to care for ourselves
Grief is a way to practice self-care. When we have a physical wound, we must care for it, cleaning, disinfecting, and bandaging it. Without proper care, we risk an infection. The same is true for an emotional wound resulting from loss. We must tend to it and care for that wound so it doesn’t fester and infect other areas of our lives. - We grieve to move forward.
I don’t mean moving past the grief. Some losses we will carry with us throughout our entire lives. However, we must move forward into the grief, acknowledge our loss, and tend to that pain. Untended grief creates issues often resulting in anger, rage, depression, anxiety, lack of sleep, job issues, and relational problems. If we want to move forward and create the life we’ve always wanted, we must grieve our losses. - We grieve to be whole
Grief is a way to embrace the whole human experience. Life is not about achieving perfect happiness. Instead, it is a complete experience of living with joys and pains, gains and losses, happiness and sadness. When we grieve, we acknowledge the entire human experience. - We grieve because no one will do it for us
Grief is a solitary journey. We can surround ourselves with caring people, but no one can grieve a loss for us. We are the only ones who can grieve our losses. This doesn’t mean you do it alone, as no one should experience and walk through grief alone. It means only you can do it for yourself. No one else can grieve for you.
In the next blog post in the grief series, I look at one practical way to grieve during loss.
